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I think you’re all f*cked in the head. We’re ten hours from the f*cking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. You’re gonna have fun, and I’m gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much f*cking fun we’re gonna need plastic surgery to remove our g*ddamn smiles!
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Ellen: Clark, let’s just skip the house of mud. I think Dodge City was enough for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.
Clark: It’s living history Ellen. But if you’d rather see your cousins it’s okay by me. Personally I’d rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.
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Why don’t you give me half the money you were going to bet, we’ll go out back, I’ll kick you in the nuts and we’ll call it a day?
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Cousin Vicki: I’m going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey: So, everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I’m the best at it.
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Ellen: I honestly don’t think we’re going to find the Grand Canyon on this road.
Clark: Jesus Christ, it’s only the biggest goddamn hole in the world!!!
Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language!
Clark: Make that the second biggest.
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Ellen: The next time you have one of your outbursts, I’d really appreciate it if you think about the consideration of our kids.
Clark: What are you talking about?
Ellen: You don’t know? After everything that happened, you still don’t get it?
Clark: I’m just trying to treat my family to a little fun.
Ellen: Oh spare me, Clark, I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you’ll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1000 miles out of the way to see the world’s largest pile of mud!
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Sorry folks, the park’s closed. The moose out front should’ve told you. – Lasky